Monday morning God decided that the world had reached the point of no return. So, he called Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates to the gates of heaven. He informed them of his decision and told them to go back to their people and prepare them for the end of the world on Thursday.

Boris Yeltsin gets on state television and tells his people that he has bad news and worse news. After decades of telling the Soviet citizens that there is no God, he now realizes that he was wrong. He has seen God with his own eyes. Worse yet, God has decided to destroy the world and each person needs to prepare for Thursday as each sees fit.

Bill Clinton calls a press conference and says that he has good news and bad news. After centuries of telling the US citizens that there is a God, he has proof that we've been right. He has seen God with his own eyes. But the bad news is that God has decided to destroy the world and each person needs to prepare for Thursday as each sees fit.

Bill Gates calls an all-hands meeting. He says that he has wonderful news and even more wonderful news. God, by calling him to the gates of heaven with the leaders of the two most powerful nations in the world, has just confirmed how important Bill Gates really is. The even better news is that on Thursday, IBM will stop shipping OS/2.